


john kramer's gay cult

by hatchet



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: F/F, M/M, amanda makes an apprentice group chat, but i love these chaotic assholes, eleanor is an apprentice you! can't! change! my! mind!, john and jill and hoffman will probably be mentioned, this is a mark hoffman hate zone so if you're not into that this is not the place for you, this will probably just be a bunch of total nonsense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-05-04 17:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14598024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatchet/pseuds/hatchet
Summary: SuperiorJigsaw has added ReverseBearTrapped, st4lkerb0i, and LtNelson to john kramer’s gay cult. (The apprentices have a group chat. Things go about as well as you'd expect.)





	1. john kramer's gay cult

_ SuperiorJigsaw  _ has added  _ ReverseBearTrapped, st4lkerb0i,  _ and  _ LtNelson  _ to  _ john kramer’s gay cult. _

 

**st4lkerb0i:** fhskghsghs rOCKSTAR THE CHAT NAME LMAO

**SuperiorJigsaw:** it's fuckin true

**SuperiorJigsaw:** adam get larold to make an account

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ……...larry

**st4lkerb0i:** L A R O L D

**st4lkerb0i:** IM FJCKING CRYING LAROLD OH MY GLD

**ReverseBearTrapped:** AMANDA that was supposed to be a SECRET

**st4lkerb0i:** larold

**st4lkerb0i:** dr larold gordon

**st4lkerb0i:** HFKSGHS HE JUST ASKED WHAT IM LAUGHING AT

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i can never go to the hospital again

**ReverseBearTrapped:** my career is over

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el u know i’ll kick his ass

**ReverseBearTrapped:** you're 5’3

**SuperiorJigsaw:** YOUR POINT??????

**SuperiorJigsaw:** eleanor.

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ELEANOR

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el el el el eeeeeelllllllll

**SuperiorJigsaw:** eeeeeleeeaaaanooooooor

**st4lkerb0i:** omg lovers quarrel

**SuperiorJigsaw:** shit up adam!!!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** shut

**SuperiorJigsaw:** go get your old man fuckin boyfriend to make a goddamn account!!!!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ELEANOR!!!!!!!!

**st4lkerb0i:** shit up

**SuperiorJigsaw:** SHUT UP ADAM

**ReverseBearTrapped:** mandy i’m ONE room over omfg just come in here

**SuperiorJigsaw:** no im comfy

**SuperiorJigsaw:** u come in here

**st4lkerb0i:** ………

**SuperiorJigsaw:** adam i will fucking punch you

**st4lkerb0i:** you two are G A Y

**SuperiorJigsaw:** adam i am blocking yyhhhhghkghhhgjgghfggfg

**st4lkerb0i:** uhh rockstar u good over there

**st4lkerb0i:** HELLO

**st4lkerb0i:** hellooooooooooo

**st4lkerb0i:** omg lawrence is making an account rn

 

_ st4lkerboi _ has added  _ LGordon62 _ to  _ john kramer’s gay cult. _

 

**st4lkerb0i:** LARRY SAY HI

**LGordon62:** Hello.

**st4lkerb0i:** guys he just asked me what this is

**st4lkerb0i:** guys

**st4lkerb0i:** GUYS

**st4lkerb0i:** guuuuys are u fucking

**st4lkerb0i:** i can't believe you've left me all alooooone

**st4lkerb0i:** really brings back memories

**st4lkerb0i:** fucking rude

**st4lkerb0i:** guys for real?????

**st4lkerb0i:** ppppleeeeeeaaaaase

**st4lkerb0i:** FINE

**st4lkerb0i:** hey lawrence can we make out

**st4lkerb0i:** …….he said no

**st4lkerb0i:** larry reply in the chat

**st4lkerb0i:** larry

**st4lkerb0i:** lawrence

**LGordon62:** Leave

**LGordon62:** Leave chat

**LGordon62:** Stop receiving messages

**st4lkerb0i:** omg what are u doing

**st4lkerb0i:** OMG HES TRYING TO LEAVE THE CHAT IM LOSING MY MIND LARRY LMAOOOOO FJDMGJDGJD

**st4lkerb0i:** sorry babe ur stuck with us

**st4lkerb0i:** ……..

**st4lkerb0i:** rockstar + el you've been gone for like an hour what are you DOING

 

_ SuperiorJigsaw _ sent  _ my girlfriend is hot as FUCK.jpeg _

 

**st4lkerb0i:** ……...shiiiiit

**st4lkerb0i:** SCORE ONE FOR ROCKSTAR

**LtNelson:** why did I just get a picture of my assistant in lingerie?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** …..haha whoops forgot u were in this nelson…

**ReverseBearTrapped:** oh my god

**ReverseBearTrapped:** oh my GOD

**ReverseBearTrapped:** logan PLEASE ignore that

**ReverseBearTrapped:** AMANDA WHY

**SuperiorJigsaw:** you’re hot im sorry!!!!!

**ReverseBearTrapped:** THAT DOESNT MEAN TAKE PICTURES OF ME WHEN IM NOT PAYING ATTENTION

**SuperiorJigsaw:** thats not faaaair thats how adam seduced larry!!!

**st4lkerb0i:** ok not true

**SuperiorJigsaw:** um so true? you wouldn’t have even MET if you hadn’t taken those

**SuperiorJigsaw:** I MEAN LOOK AT YOUR UN

**LGordon62:** Excuse me

**LGordon62:** Adam and I had a perfectly healthy development to our relationship!

**st4lkerb0i:** YEAH ROCKSTAR SHUT IT

**st4lkerb0i:** fuck yeah lawrence ily!!!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** umm u met in a fucking bathroom

**SuperiorJigsaw:** like not even a functional bathroom??

**LGordon62:** Whose fault was that exactly, Amanda?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i mean

**SuperiorJigsaw:** technically yours

**st4lkerb0i:** amanda…

**st4lkerb0i:** jesus…..

**LtNelson:** Amanda that was too far

 

_ LGordon62  _ has left  _ john kramer’s gay cult. _

 

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ok… fuck..

**SuperiorJigsaw:** adam

**SuperiorJigsaw:** adaaaam

**st4lkerb0i:** stop okay

**st4lkerb0i:** that was fucking shitty

 

Private Message:  _ LtNelson _ and  _ SuperiorJigsaw _

 

**LtNelson:** hey

**SuperiorJigsaw:** don’t fucking lecture me nelson

**LtNelson:** I’m not going to lecture you

**LtNelson:** I know you didn't mean anything by it

**LtNelson:** or the picture of El

**LtNelson:** but sometimes your humor gets…

**LtNelson:** carried away, kind of

**LtNelson:** you know it was hard for Larry after their game

**SuperiorJigsaw:** you think it wasn't hard for all of us?!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** that's the fucking POINT

**LtNelson:** i know Amanda

**SuperiorJigsaw:** don’t ‘amanda’ me…..

**SuperiorJigsaw:** hey nelson...

**LtNelson:** yeah?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** umm

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el… left

**LtNelson:** left?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** yeah

**LtNelson:** like how?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** she got really quiet after she saw the picture and got up and put on her robe and walked out

**SuperiorJigsaw:** don't make fun of me

**SuperiorJigsaw:** but is everyone mad at me

**SuperiorJigsaw:** do you all hate me

**LtNelson:** no one hates you

**LtNelson:** I think Adam and Larry just need a little time to cool off

**LtNelson:** and you should talk to Eleanor

**SuperiorJigsaw:** what if she's mad

**LtNelson:** she won’t be

**SuperiorJigsaw:** BUT WHAT IF SHE IS.

**LtNelson:** then apologize

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ?!?!?!?!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** im fucking bad at that!?

**LtNelson:** “hey El, I’m sorry I sent a picture of you without asking and I promise I’ll ask if I want to do it again”

**SuperiorJigsaw:** that sounds stupid

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i’m such a fucking fuck up!!!

**LtNelson:** I’m not replying until you talk to her

**SuperiorJigsaw:** nelson

**SuperiorJigsaw:** NELSON

**SuperiorJigsaw:** logan please

**LtNelson:** Amanda it'll be okay

**SuperiorJigsaw:** okay…….

**SuperiorJigsaw:** fucking delete these messages

 

Message History between  _ LtNelson _ and  _ SuperiorJigsaw _ has been erased.


	2. Chapter 2

Private Message:  _ ReverseBearTrapped _ and  _ st4lkerb0i _

 

**ReverseBearTrapped:** you okay?

**st4lkerb0i:** yeah…..

**st4lkerb0i:** larry’s kinda upset…...

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i thought he might be

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i’m sorry

**ReverseBearTrapped:** she didn't mean anything by it

**ReverseBearTrapped:** she just… doesn't think things through sometimes

**st4lkerb0i:** yeah..

**ReverseBearTrapped:** hits a nerve without meaning to

**ReverseBearTrapped:** you know?

**st4lkerb0i:** lol trust me i know

**st4lkerb0i:** you don’t have to apologize for her

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i know...

**st4lkerb0i:** are YOU ok tho

**ReverseBearTrapped:** oh

**ReverseBearTrapped:** yeah it’s fine

**st4lkerb0i:** ok but are you fine

**ReverseBearTrapped:** uhh

**ReverseBearTrapped:** yes

**ReverseBearTrapped:** yeah i’m fine

**st4lkerb0i:** u sure?

**st4lkerb0i:** el?

**ReverseBearTrapped:** yeah

**st4lkerb0i:** idk if this will help at all but

**st4lkerb0i:** it was a rly pretty pic

**ReverseBearTrapped:** thank you adam

**st4lkerb0i:** i’m serious

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i know

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i believe you

**st4lkerb0i:** <3

**ReverseBearTrapped:** <3 <3

 

Private Message:  _ SuperiorJigsaw _ and  _ st4lkerb0i _

 

**SuperiorJigsaw:** hey adam you know i’m fuckin bad at apologizing and shit

**SuperiorJigsaw:** but i know i fucked up

**SuperiorJigsaw:** and

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i’m sorry

**st4lkerb0i:** yeah

**st4lkerb0i:** at least u didn't chain me up in a nasty ass bathroom this time

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ok to be fair that wasn't my idea

**st4lkerb0i:** AMANDA.

**SuperiorJigsaw:** S O R R Y

**st4lkerb0i:** suuure

**st4lkerb0i:** lawrence is upset you know

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ..yeah….

**SuperiorJigsaw:** are u gonna try to make me talk to him

**st4lkerb0i:** i mean he is the one who you should be apologizing to

**st4lkerb0i:** i SHOULD

**st4lkerb0i:** actually

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ADAM

**SuperiorJigsaw:** NO

**SuperiorJigsaw:** I’LL DIE

 

_ st4lkerb0i _ has added  _ LGordon62 _ and  _ SuperiorJigsaw _ to the chat.

 

**st4lkerb0i:** amanda go

**st4lkerb0i:** amanda

**st4lkerb0i:** AMANDA

**st4lkerb0i:** larry says you have 3 minutes before he leaves the chat

**SuperiorJigsaw:** FUCK HOLD ON IM THINKING OK

**st4lkerb0i:** 2 minutes

**SuperiorJigsaw:** jesus fucking christ i hate you

**SuperiorJigsaw:** lawrence

**SuperiorJigsaw:** larry

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i’m sorry

**st4lkerb0i:** for

**SuperiorJigsaw:** saying it was your fault

**st4lkerb0i:** saying what was his fault

**SuperiorJigsaw:** FUCK you

**SuperiorJigsaw:** lawrence i'm sorry for saying it was your fault that we chained you up in the bathroom and you cut off your foot

**st4lkerb0i:** you really are fucking terrible at apologies arent you

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i TOLD you

**st4lkerb0i:** larry says “well she TRIED i guess”

**SuperiorJigsaw:** does that mean apology accepted

**st4lkerb0i:** he just sighed SO loudly and said “she's an idiot”

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i mean that's not a no……

**SuperiorJigsaw:** will he come back to the chat

**st4lkerb0i:** he wants to know if you'll control yourself

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ugh

**SuperiorJigsaw:** f i n e

 

Private Message:  _ SuperiorJigsaw _ and  _ LtNelson _

 

**SuperiorJigsaw:** i apologized to adam AND larold

**SuperiorJigsaw:** el helped me with the larold part

**LtNelson:** and you let her?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** …….ok she tried to help me

**LtNelson:** so I take it you two are okay too?

**SuperiorJigsaw:** we

**SuperiorJigsaw:** are

**SuperiorJigsaw:** MORE

**SuperiorJigsaw:** than okay

**LtNelson:** NO DETAILS AMANDA!

**SuperiorJigsaw:** >:)))))

**LtNelson:** you JUST got yourself out of trouble

**SuperiorJigsaw:** FINE

 

Group Message:  _ john kramer’s gay cult _

 

_ st4lkerb0i _ has added  _ LGordon62 _ to the chat.

 

**st4lkerb0i:** LARRY’S BACK

**st4lkerb0i:** WELCOME BACK LAWRENCEEEE

**st4lkerb0i:** <3 <3 <3

**LGordon62:** Thank you Adam.

**LGordon62:** I love you too  <3

**SuperiorJigsaw:** god yall are so fucking GAY

**st4lkerb0i:** “yall”

**ReverseBearTrapped:** YALL

**st4lkerb0i:** ROCKSTARJGHFJD

**SuperiorJigsaw:** oh no fgucK

**SuperiorJigsaw:** YOU TWO

**SuperiorJigsaw:** YOU GUYS

**SuperiorJigsaw:** Y O U  G U Y S

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ARE SO FUCKING GAY

**ReverseBearTrapped:** babe no we saw it

**ReverseBearTrapped:** you’re too late

**SuperiorJigsaw:** I SAID NOTHING

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i’m sorry mandy

**ReverseBearTrapped:** you can’t hide it

**SuperiorJigsaw:** YES I CAN

**ReverseBearTrapped:** embrace your southern roots

**SuperiorJigsaw:** absolutely fucking not

**st4lkerb0i:** AMANDA YOUNG: ORIGINS

**st4lkerb0i:** hey el

**ReverseBearTrapped:** amandaaa it’s ok!!

**ReverseBearTrapped:** it’s adorable

**SuperiorJigsaw:** I’M NOT ADORABLE

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ADAM NO

**st4lkerb0i:** el

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i love it

**ReverseBearTrapped:** wait adam what

**SuperiorJigsaw:** NO

**st4lkerb0i:** eleanor

**SuperiorJigsaw:** NO STOP NO FUCK ADAM

**SuperiorJigsaw:** FUCK YOU

**st4lkerb0i:** hey eleanooor

**st4lkerb0i:** save a horse, ride a cowgirl

**SuperiorJigsaw:** I AM GOING

**SuperiorJigsaw:** TO FUCKING

**SuperiorJigsaw:** KILL YOU

**ReverseBearTrapped:** fhGH ADAM

**LtNelson:** I’m going to leave

**ReverseBearTrapped:** wanna hear a secret

**st4lkerb0i:** FUCK YEAH WE DO

**ReverseBearTrapped:** logan no you’re not calm down

**LGordon62:** I think I regret coming back.

**SuperiorJigsaw:** eleanor bonneville i dont know what you’re about to say

**ReverseBearTrapped:** logan and lawrence

**ReverseBearTrapped:** just wait

**SuperiorJigsaw:** but you better stop right now

**ReverseBearTrapped:** sometimes i like to get her really worked up

**st4lkerb0i:** (haha yeah u do)

**ReverseBearTrapped:** because she -- fUCK

**ReverseBearTrapped:** GOD

**LtNelson:** I’M GOING TO LEAVE

**ReverseBearTrapped:** LOGAN IT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT

**ReverseBearTrapped:** I MEANT

**LtNelson:** THIN ICE.

**ReverseBearTrapped:** i like to purposefully antagonize her

**SuperiorJigsaw:** BABE!!!

**ReverseBearTrapped:** because when she gets heated

**ReverseBearTrapped:** her southern accent gets really thick

**ReverseBearTrapped:** it’s really cute

**SuperiorJigsaw:** fuck you!! wtf!!!! what the fuck!!!!

**st4lkerb0i:** KSDJFLSJDF OH MY GOOOOOOODDD

**st4lkerb0i:** EL THATS FUCKING

**st4lkerb0i:** IM SCREAMING

**st4lkerb0i:** ELEANOR GHFKDSF

**SuperiorJigsaw:** EL!!! :((((((((

**LGordon62:** Now that you point it out, you’re right!

**st4lkerb0i:** DIABOLICAL EL

**LGordon62:** I’ve noticed that!

**ReverseBearTrapped:** brb she’s sulking

**SuperiorJigsaw:** IM NOT SULKING

**ReverseBearTrapped:** she is sulking

**st4lkerb0i:** lmao amanda it’s what u get after earlier

**SuperiorJigsaw:** fuck u

**SuperiorJigsaw:** fuck ALL of you

**SuperiorJigsaw:** ESPECIALLY YOU, ELEANOR

**st4lkerb0i:** lol ur gonna

**LtNelson:** this group message is what Hell is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeesaw i finally updated (get it yeehaw but... yeesaw... ok rip bye) i'm sorry for such a long wait and i can't promise it won't happen again but i do promise that i'm not abandoning this! so even if it takes me a million years, there WILL be updates.
> 
> also for those of you who wanted content that isn't just amanda and adam being gay nightmares, idk what to tell you except maybe one day i'll figure out a more solid voice for lawrence. i swear i'll give you guys the chainshipping content you WANT (and i'll continue to be like, the freakass captain of the elmanda ship until the day i die. amanda deserves a hot gf and eleanor bonneville fits the goddamn bill) and man idk logan is just... tired. but we love him
> 
> for more saw nonsense hit me up on tumblr @elbonneville and also check out my newest shitshow @textsfromjigsaw

**Author's Note:**

> in case you aren't fond of reading tags, this is definitely going to be a bunch of nonsense! it's honestly just something for me to be able to add to quickly in between writing other actual things that may or may not ever see the light of day. also! i intend to keep the angsty drama to a minimum (they've all suffered enough!) but i make no promises because apparently these guys do whatever the fuck they want.
> 
> aaand if there was any confusion:
> 
> SuperiorJigsaw - Amanda Young  
> ReverseBearTrapped - Eleanor Bonneville  
> st4lkerb0i - Adam Faulkner-Stanheight  
> LGordon62 - Lawrence Gordon  
> LtNelson - Logan Nelson
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
